Acceptance and Painful Death

When you think about the United States and the future, what concerns you most?

When I think about the future, I can’t help but generalize my own fears into a more ideological perspective. However, my mind then goes down the rabbit hole. On a very basic level, I suspect I fear a painful death more than anything. Just under that is the fear my son will experience a painful death. Death and an increasingly painful life are probably the biggest split I have with God as I understand her. From what I can tell, God is pretty pro-death and life tends to go down painfully on top of it. I used to try to drink my consciousness away. Now, I just keep pushing forward in increasing physical pain to make a better world for my son. I believe in the absurdity of existential nihilism and the futility life as a whole. While perhaps I just stepped outside of the scope of the United States, I do have faith that outside time and space as we perceive it, there is no hope for life on Earth in the long run. I can wrestle in the darkness of my own mind, and feel the distance between the core of my consciousness and reality as I experience it. My biggest fear, in the end, is the end itself. Life is finite. I’m not speaking here of mine, the United States or even humanity. I just see a limit to the expansion of the universe as space unfolds. I really don’t doubt the basic finite limitations of this universe, even if my understanding of physics is sophomoric. The one thing helping me hold on from complete self-destruction is my love for my son having transcended a large degree my own selfishly hedonistic lifestyle into maybe even caring for humanity beyond my personal reproduction. We still get to exist. That means something, even as futile and absurd as life is. To some degree, I have even found hope in the pattern of rebooting and amalgamations of existence to life around me. In conclusion, I cannot limit my fear to that of the future of the US. A good strategy forward is imperative towards the type of future we want to provide for our subsequent loved ones and humanity. However, in the end, I die. We all die. Hopefully, there is a reboot. I kind of doubt there wouldn’t be.