Manifesto of a Romantic Family Man
Sometimes people get it into their heads that life is like a game where those who pass their genetics win. Perhaps, though I think that overly simplifies biology to a way that indicates some underlying limited comprehension of their consciousness. To me, if there were such a thing as God, it would be the top-down view of life, not my limited perception and aims. My aims are important, and to think I would know the grander purpose of life would be rather arrogant. However, it is also self-centered to think that my winning the game is the goal. I hate game-oriented thinking. I am not that competitive. Even if the goal were to win, I wouldn’t want to compete. I do suppose there is the type that sees life as a game to pass on genetics. Eventually, they will be engineered, and I think to fight that is unrealistic. My goal is to pass on the way I think; to pass on my consciousness. While politicians may be suspicious of the crazy cat lady, because she’s got nothing in on the game, I am suspicious of the politician who can’t care about others without the existence of genetic offspring. To me, the goal is to be a teacher, mentor and healer. People who bring into the world kindness and purpose see life from the top-down approach. I get that we need people who take out others to rise up and win. I do have some self-centered pleasure seeking behavior myself independent of the self-centered aspects of gaming my passing genes. I doubt I passed my genes. I’m fine with that. I regret that much of my life was passed drinking alcohol and smoking pot and tobacco. However, that is one of the reasons I’m fine not being immortalized into trying to develop mini-me’s. Instead, and despite all my mistakes and character flaws, I have made true efforts to help others self-actualize purpose into their life including some greater good. We are all flawed. However, if I could critique life as a game, it would be similar to my statement that I am not ‘A Clockwork Orange.’ For the same reason I feel my level of sentience gives my life value, I feel the will of an abstract god would be to follow my personal morality; that which I don’t say, but do when it doesn’t seem to matter; just because I think it is the right thing to do.
It isn’t about ensuring my offspring survives. Honestly, it’s when I know my actions aren’t selfish, but even a sacrifice, that I know I do good. I see this quality in my wife more than anyone I have ever met in my life. She sacrifices her rest and time with the kids to work as hard as she can to send money home to the impoverished community she left behind in Kenya. I selfishly want her to focus on ‘us,’ by which I think I might mean ‘me.’ She can’t. She left a community behind in suffering and a harsh reality. I want romance and grandiose self-centered pursuits. She wants to contribute to a solution for the suffering of others at her own expense. To me, part of my reason to live has become to help her and her kids, so she can help the people she left behind. I’m a self-centered American of middle-class background slowly recovering from addiction and mental illness though. I can’t keep up with her. I still think I love her. Honestly, I know I do. I just can’t help but love my comfort more at times. I’m not perfect. Neither is she. She will waste a fair amount of time watching shows like Survivor where everyone is conniving to win by pretending alliances they ultimately can’t keep. TV is one of her few self-centered pursuits. I like The Simpsons. I get the good-hearted kid who is mischievous; innately self-centered, but ultimately focused on overcoming that nature to do the right thing. We are on opposite sides of the spectrum. I hope it works out. I do well by my stepkids. I do good. I simply am different in how I start off in my innate perspective of the world around me. Sometimes we are at odds. Sometimes couples have infighting. We feud. Our goals are different. That’s okay. I hope it works out, because I’m a romantic who doesn’t want to give up on that idealistic hope. That isn’t what she is. She is aiming to help others left behind simply survive. A couple or family is a micro-entity and even at this small of a level, there are complexities that can have dissonantly harsh problems to work through to achieve our sense of purposes for life; the values we act on when we believe it’s between us and God.
Joker's Wild 